The Waitress: Eggs'scuse me, baby!
This blog delivers recipes for all 18 pies mentioned in "The Waitress" in order of mention with recipes from ameture bakers as well as contributions from the cookbook inspired by the film and stage performance The Waitress Pie Book: Sugar, Butter, Flour with recipes by Sheri Castle.
We're starting in order with the "fertility pies" both egg-based and full of first trimester turmoil. #1 Bad Baby Pie, is a forbidden quiche for someone in a family way because it contains a soft cheese, brie, and #2 Kick in the Pants Pie, a spicy custard with a nutty base.
Note: This post contains content concerning domestic violence.
Before we get baking it's important to acknowledge our muse with a little background. As soon as the story opens we learn three things about Jenna: she is not happy about her newly confirmed pregnancy, she is in a domestic violence situation, and she has become pregnant due to an assault by her spouse.
I was introduced to this film while working domestic violence cases for the City Attorney's Office in Denver, and I disliked it. More accurately, I wasn't able to tolerate it because of my work. I had anywhere from four to twelve new cases on my desk daily, and worked Sunday mornings at 5:00 AM to retrieve the criminal histories of domestic violence perpetrators who were still in lockup.
It would be more than five years after changing roles before I would give "The Waitress" another chance, and then I would see it as Jenna's story told her way. The film has a sense of playful magic to it due to the special elements that Jenna infusses into her life to keep it livable, creative, and joyful independent of the perceptions of others.
In prosecuting abusers, sometimes we inadvertently dehumanise victims by telling them how they should live their lives and manage their relationships.
Some are grateful for the opportunity to escape their situation, others would rather not have strangers interfere. We are reminded, if within the law, when advocating for others, let them lead.
This site is also a good resource for teens who need to know how to spot and navigate domestic violence as they age.
In Jenna's Story, Pies are Power
Jenna (though constantly under duress) has an uncanny, almost magical gift when it comes to baking the most visually lovely, delicious, and creatively named pies. These bakes are imbued with intention, an ability shared with Jenna by her late mother.Though baking is a positive outlet, many of her pies are named after negative feelings and events. Jenna uses naming to mark the time, like a placeholder for a memory. Ritual has power, and her use of baking to connect with her mother in the past as well as making something desirable, shareable, and relatable through food in the present gives Jenna's character much needed control over her life.
Do you have a name in mind? Share in the comments.
The Waitress Pie List with Recipes
#1: Bad Baby Pie
Description: Savory, egg-based quiche with buttery pie crust, brie cheese, and smoked ham. In this recipe, Jenna mixes eggs (the universal symbol of fertility) with soft cheese (which is on the no fly list of foods during pregnancy) in protest of and homage to her unwanted state.
Use smoked shiitake mushrooms or firm tofu to make a vegetarian version.
Smoked salmon or trout (not lox) is a good alternative to ham as well.
Including crust, this bake will take 4 to 6 hours (3 hours with premade crust)
Bake at 425 (then 400)
Ingredient List
all-purpose flour
sea salt (fine)
unsalted butter (very cold)
Brie cheese
Jarlsberg cheese
smoked ham or alternative
eggs (large)
heavy cream
sour cream
Worcestershire sauce
black pepper
white pepper
water
Optional
liquid smoke (as needed)
tofu (firm)
Shiitake mushrooms
smoked fish
sriracha sauce
white wine vinegar
palm sugar or honey
maui/sweet onion
5 Figs
2 Honeycrisp or Granny Smith apples
1 Orange
apple chutney (preserves)
mint (fresh)
rosemary (fresh)
italian parsley (fresh)
Buttery Pie Crust (inspiredtaste.net)
2 ½ cups (325g) all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1 teaspoon kosher salt or 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 cup (230g) very cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
6 to 8 tablespoons ice water, or more as needed
When using a food processor, add 1½ cups flour and salt to a food processor. Pulse 2 to 3 times until combined. The remaining cup of flour will be added later.
Scatter butter cubes over flour and process until a dough begins to form, about 15 seconds. (There should be no uncoated butter)
Scrape bowl, redistribute the flour-butter mixture then add remaining 1 cup of flour. Pulse 4 to 5 times until flour is evenly distributed. (Dough should look crumbly)
Transfer to a medium bowl then sprinkle ice water over mixture — start with 4 tablespoons and add from there. Using a rubber spatula or cold hands, press the dough into itself. The crumbs should begin to form larger clusters. If you pinch some of the dough and it holds together, it’s ready. If the dough falls apart, add 2 to 4 more tablespoons of water and continue to press until dough comes together.
Remove dough from bowl and place in a mound on a clean surface. Work the dough just enough to form a ball. Cut the ball in half then form each half into disks. Wrap each disk with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour and up to 2 days. You can also freeze it for up to 3 months (thaw it overnight in the fridge before using it).
If mixing dough by hand, scatter butter cubes and fold with pastry blender or fork for 1 to 2 minutes. Continue the process above.
Blind Bake (1st bake)
Heat the oven to 425. Place a baking sheet on middle rack.
Roll out enough dough to make one 9-inch crust (1 dough disk). Place into a pie plate and then pierce the bottom of the crust with a fork (this prevent air pockets or bubbles from forming while baking). Line the crust with two sheets of aluminum foil or parchment paper. (Be sure to push foil against the edges of the crust leaving no air pockets). Then, fill with dry rice, or beans, or pie weights. Refrigerate 30 minutes or freeze for 10 minutes.
Place pie crust onto preheated baking sheet and reduce oven temperature to 400. Bake 5 to 8 minutes. You will bake this crust again with the filling.
Leave the oven at 400
Filling
4 ounces brie cheese (rind removed if preferred)
4 ounces jarlsberg cheese, diced
4 ounces precooked smoked ham, diced (or alternative filling, diced)
6 whole large eggs
½ cup heavy cream
½ cup sour cream
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
½ teaspoon black pepper
Pinch of sea salt and white pepper
Place the brie in ½ inch strips in a circle on in your blind baked crust followed by jarlsberg and ham. Scramble wet ingredients together with spices and pour over ham and cheeses.
Flavor Enhancing Options
This recipe gives us salty and umami, but it needs sweet, sour, and a little bit of bitter to meet all of our culinary needs.
Feel free to add Sriracha/Rooster Sauce if you like sweet and spicy to the filling before baking.
Sriracha and Worcestershire Sauce are delicious together and they will enhance the umami flavor.
To garnish, try caramelized sweet onions with apples or figs, or apple chutney (for sweet and sour), and chopped, fresh mint, rosemary, and parsley to finish after baking and cooling (bitter and fresh).If you want to add citrus zest, choose orange (sweet and bitter). Avoid salsa or vinegar based sauces without a sweet counterbalance.
We want to enhance the original recipe, not overpower it, so every slice should have around 3 bites of sweet/sour/bitter garnish instead of being smothered, but go with what's right for your palette.
Final Bake (2nd bake)
Bake in a preheated 400 degree oven for about 35 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool slightly before serving and garnish.
Show off your Bad Baby in the comments.
#2: Kick in the Pants Pie
Description: Smooth, sweet, and spicy egg custard baked in a pistachio-chai crust, this pie is LABOR intensive and will make you work for it. It's completely worth the effort, and unlike its predecessor, it needs no garnish or accompaniment.
Bake at 475 (then 350)
Ingredient List
all-purpose flour
kosher salt (fine)
unsalted butter (very cold)
unsalted, roasted pistachios
candied ginger
fresh or pickled ginger
cinnamon (ground)
allspice (ground)
cardamom (ground)
nutmeg (ground)
cloves (ground)
pink peppercorn (ground)
milk (oat milk if replacement is desired)
eggs (6+)
white sugar
vanilla extract
water (cold)
Pistachio-Chai Pie Crust
2 ½ cups all-purpose flour, spooned and leveled
1 teaspoon kosher salt or 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 cup very cold unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
½ cups of unsalted, roasted pistachios
2 Tablespoons candied ginger
1 Tablespoon fresh or pickled ginger
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon cardamom
½ teaspoon allspice
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon cloves
½ teaspoon pink peppercorn
6 to 8 tablespoons ice water, or more as needed
When using a food processor, grind pistachios, candied ginger, and either fresh or pickled ginger to fines (about 2 pulses).
Add 1½ cups flour, salt, and spices to a food processor. Pulse 2 to 3 times until combined.
The remaining cup of flour will be added later.
Scatter butter cubes over flour and process until a dough begins to form, about 15 seconds. (There should be no uncoated butter)
Including crust, this bake will take 3 to 5 hours (1 hour with premade crust)
Scrape bowl, redistribute the flour-butter mixture then add remaining 1 cup of flour. Pulse 4 to 5 times until flour is evenly distributed. (Dough should look crumbly)
Transfer to a medium bowl then sprinkle ice water over mixture — start with 4 tablespoons and add from there. Using a rubber spatula or cold hands, press the dough into itself. The crumbs should begin to form larger clusters. If you pinch some of the dough and it holds together, it’s ready. If the dough falls apart, add 2 to 4 more tablespoons of water and continue to press until dough comes together.
Remove dough from bowl and place in a mound on a clean surface. Work the dough just enough to form a ball. Cut the ball in half then form each half into disks. Wrap each disk with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour and up to 2 days. You can also freeze it for up to 3 months (thaw it overnight in the fridge before using it).
If mixing dough by hand, chop pistachios, candied ginger, and either fresh or pickled ginger finely, then add to flour. Scatter butter cubes and fold with pastry blender or fork for 1 to 2 minutes. Continue the process above.
Filling
6 eggs
2 Cups milk (or oat milk)
1 Cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pinch sea salt (fine)
1 teaspoon cinnamon (ground)
1 teaspoon cardamom (ground)
½ teaspoon allspice (ground)
½ teaspoon nutmeg (ground)
½ teaspoon cloves (ground)
In a large bowl, beat eggs and sugar. Beat in vanilla, salt and spices.
Stir in milk or milk substitute (oat milk is the best replacement).
Pour into raw crust.
Bake in the 475, preheated oven for 10 minutes.
Reduce temperature to 350 and bake for 25 to 35 minutes, or until crust is golden brown and filling is set.
Show off your Kick in the Pants in the comments.
I hope you enjoyed your bakes, and please send feedback and photos in the comments.
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